At first, re-entering the dating scene seemed like it would be a thrilling new adventure. I wasn’t quite sure if I wanted to put in the effort to get to know someone all over again, starting from the ground up. I’d gone through my healing phase, so to me, it only felt right giving dating another go. I’d meet people out at sporting events, grocery stores or the local bars. One person in particular grabbed my attention more than the others, so I decided he may be worth learning more about. Little did I know, once you get invested with certain types of people, they may cease all communication with you without warning. I learned this was called “ghosting.”

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According to Urban Dictionary, ghosting is when a person cuts off all communication with their friends or the person they're dating, with zero warning or notice beforehand. You'll mostly see them avoiding friends' phone calls, social media and avoiding them in public.

After some months of consistent talking and dates, I had been ghosted. No texts back, no callbacks — no nothing.

To me, there was no sign of him losing interest, but maybe I was too caught up in my own emotions to see them. I was confused, of course, and damn right hurt. I was playing out our last few dates back in my head, trying to figure out if I had said or done something wrong. Hell, maybe it was never my own fault. I had to accept the fact that I may never get an actual explanation.

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Is Ghosting Necessary, or Just Plain Petty?

Maybe I’m biased since I was the one who was ghosted and not doing the ghosting, but when someone disappears without an explanation, that shows their lack of being able to communicate. Effective communication is essential in all relationships, whether it be platonic, romantic or even your family. You should be able to express yourself openly and freely with your friends or partner. But why is it that our generation feels it necessary to "ghost" rather than to speak up for ourselves?

In part, a lot of us still have unresolved baggage or healing that we haven’t addressed. Maybe we should deal with our own shit first before bringing someone else in the equation. So before you get proud of ghosting someone, ask yourself, "Am I just not ready to put in the time and effort with someone else?"

Ghosting is petty! Say how you feel and mean what you say. Look, I’m not butt hurt or bitter that I was ghosted, I just don’t necessarily understand the concept behind it. A simple, "this isn’t going to work for me," can convey the same message, but more directly. It's OK to speak up, and it's OK to lose interest, but try your best not to.

The dating scene shouldn't be like navigating through a minefield. It should be fun and allow you to learn more things about, not only another person, but yourself, as well. Be open to the possibilities and don't be afraid to communicate, rather than ghosting.

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dating in 2018

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