Halt, stop, pause, DO NOT MOVE! These commands remind me not to move an inch further into other people’s lives. It can be addictive to be the helper, assistant, and steady hand. In a familial context, the proximity and repetition of helping those you love can be soothing. In time, my nature to uplift turned into a desire to change others.

I remember learning to change my 2-year-old baby’s clothes. Remove the three snaps from the onesie, check for wet leakage, remove the sticky tabs from diaper. When the baby poops on himself, your desire to be a good parent kicks into overdrive. No color, fragrance or consistency can keep you away. As time passes, your eagerness to touch the mess dwindles down. Well, I know mine did, because I would call my wife to change him shortly after he turned 1.

I think about some family members we love dearly and how many manage to get used to lifting their legs as you clean them up. Cousin Robert has made a mess again with his bills — send him $200. Auntie Fay needs gas money because she has never managed to save her own. Our love propels us or upsets us when these times come. I recall becoming a stable man in my mid-20s and wanting others to be like me. I worked hard to convince family and friends to do what I did. It didn’t matter that they were older in some cases. My arrogance assumed they wanted to have what I had in life. Arrogance can be blinding to even the greatest of causes.

Emotional exhaustion kicked in after awhile. I was becoming pissed off, upset and distant. My nerves were shot and I couldn’t take anyone telling me a sob story or asking for anything. “Why don’t they want to be better like me?” I thought to myself. Shortly after this meltdown, I had a conversation and someone who said to me “Think about the habits, thoughts and ways you would love to change about yourself. Quite hard to do isn’t it? So why do you think it will be easy to change anyone else? Meet them were they are and love them right there!”

My plea with you as we approach a time of giving is to relax. The holiday season always brings about feelings of scarcity. Mamas, Daddies, Aunties and Cousins in your families will likely struggle to make ends meet for the next few months.

Take a step back and exercise gratefulness. Think about your blessings and the situation you are in at the moment. Life is so precious and the opportunities, finance and favor we have aren’t guaranteed to last. My parents and siblings can be a trip. I imagine they say the same about me. Love them where they are and plug in the holes when you desire. Don’t operate out of guilt, but give out of gratitude. If your giving doesn’t come from a pure place, keep it in your wallet.

I learned in the past few years to stop crying and praying people will change. As much as I desire to improve, I had to believe my family did as well. Put the gavel down, stop judging and work on yourself. The man in the mirror needs to change first.

Never forget, you’ve been blessed to be a blessing. It’s not always money people desire from you. It can be your wisdom, time, effort, prayers or more. All it takes is a moment of misfortune to be in a new position. I remember at that stage of my life being stable financially. I took a risk on a career path by quitting my job shortly thereafter. Soon enough, I was knocking at someone’s door.

Don’t be a fixer. Don’t be a judge. Don’t be angry with your giving. Be genuinely grateful and love your family right where they are in case they never change.

Pressing forward, I challenge myself to be more in the moment. As I awaken more and more as a 31-year-old man, I’m blitzed with ideas of how to change myself to empower my family. How can I challenge my work ethic, creativity, prayer life and relationships to become all that I am to be? It’s not about helping anyone else if I haven’t learned to empower myself. I was told before that “I am the Moses of my family” meaning I will lead us out of a place of bondage. Financial, mental or emotional, my gift will break the chains. I have learned to take pleasure in my role and the let go of the burden it once carried.

2016 is an emergency. Our families need us to get off the pulpit and courtroom jury and get in position to bless them. If not us, then who? If not now, when?

Grateful

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