For one quick moment last year, Damien Chazelle's La La Land was the best film of 2016 until it was revealed to be a mistake. The fiasco that brought the 2017 Oscars to a standstill took away some of the shine from director Barry Jenkins' Moonlight.

Nearly one year later, Jenkins said the incident still bothers him.

The filmmaker revealed this during a roundtable by The Hollywood Reporter with the only four black directors — Jordan Peele, Lee Daniels, John Singleton, and Jenkins — to be nominated for the best director category in Oscars history.

Being at the Vanity Fair Oscars after party was extremely daunting, he recalled.

“I mean, did you see the show? It’s not the kind of thing where you go running off with pom-poms,” he said. After the mistake, Jenkins said, he felt as if he did not deserve the award and that there was a sense of doubt that lingered for the rest of his year. “Something had changed. I wasn’t sure what that thing was. I wasn’t sure that thing was mine or who it belonged to because of how everything happened. And it made 2017 a very long year,” Jenkins continued.

This year, director Jordan Peele will be the latest black director to join the small club of Oscar-nominated black directors. While Jenkins celebrates the Get Out writer-director, he admits that the wounds are still fresh and he remembers how he felt that evening at the awards show.

“I look back on that whole process, the process that you (looks to Jordan) have handled very well, my friend, and all that shit comes together at the end and because of how things went down, I didn’t enjoy it,” he told the others. “And I’m never going to get the opportunity to enjoy that — because even if it happens again, it won’t be the same. Moonlight was a very special film for me.”

La La Land

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