I don’t understand. I've never had the endurance for fraudulent relationships, enhancing like into love, and I never wanted to allow my want for companionship fester into wasting energy on a person I don't truly care about. It’s like people have time to waste, energy to drain, and I (and I know many others) don't. I sometimes look at all the men and women my age reaching out their hands for another person to hold on a constant basis, and are surprised to find that all that person really to offer is a hand. Not support, care, or peace, but just the same empty hand with no idea what it's reaching for besides warmth and security. It bothers me to see so many people, my age and below, move so desperately to find not just someone, but anyone. 

There's a lot of reasons why, and I get that. Not enough love and attention shown in the home at a young age, the insecure voids that feel filled when with another person, and there are those who have been in relationships their entire life and feel vulnerable when on their own. However, what is the point of constantly searching for a person of any kind, as long as the only requirement be that they stay close and show you attention? People seem to constantly complain about never being able to find anything real. Well, many people don’t truly commit, real loyalty is harder to come by, and sex comes before anything true. 

People start something new with a person with one foot in and another one out from the beginning. Loyalty? When the comments under the cute couple pictures get lower and the attraction dims, there’s nothing else. Just a cute idea, and when it’s not easy anymore and you start understanding more of the imperfections in that person, it’s over before it could really start. 

But how can you expect to find something different when whoever jumps fastest in your lap is accepted, the most attractive is the one you’ll wait to turn into the qualities you want, and the easiest is who you’ll give all your time to? The kinds of people you bring in your life reflect the way you move, and when you’re not taking the time to really get to know the people you bring around you, you’ll fall in love with anything. 

I think when you've found peace or at least comfort in living independently, you're much more selective about who you're going to allow into your space. You’ll have a better understanding of how valuable your space is and you realize that everyone doesn’t deserve your stress and tears. You’ll want only genuine people around you who push you to be a better person and truly make you happy, which I think will eventually lead to finding what you really want and need in a partner.

I also know that there are things I just don't get because I've never been there. I’ve never been in love. I'm on the complete opposite of this spectrum I’ve been referring to, which has its advantages and drawbacks. I'm very comfortable being alone, mostly because that's all I've ever known. And I don’t mean this in a lonely, nobody loves me kind of way, I've just never been in a relationship. I'm that single friend that is always single, but I really don’t feel like I’m missing out. Granted, loneliness does creep up and bite me in the ass at times, but I've been blessed with great friends and family that have shown me unwavering love. My heart is so full and I'm so grateful for the pathway I've gone down, even if it has been on my own this far. I do feel I have a great perspective on what I want, who I truly want to spend my time on and with, but admittedly, I'm not an easy person to get close to. I'm very selective about the company I keep. I have friends that go deep, my best friend from 18 months is still in my life today, and it’s because I give my heart to the people I love. I know how much I invest in the people around me so I don't want to waste it on just anybody. I find reasons to push men away sometimes because I'm afraid to let anyone so close. Friends compared to a real relationship requires such vulnerability, and it’s so hard for me to feel that. I’ve never been able to do it, but I have no interest in starting when I see how empty so many relationships are. For me, it’s all or nothing and most don’t seem willing to put in the real work a forever thing takes.

How many people do you know that will find a new guy or girl every minute that they’ve barely taken time to get to know and then proceed to obsess over them? They lose focus on their priorities, pour out all of their love and care, and lament over a person you know will be gone and forgotten about sooner than later? You listen to their stories, console them while they cry, all the while you know in a couple of days they'll be okay, and they'll find someone new to go through the same thing in just a couple of months. And you know this because there's no substance to their bonds with people beside the mutual want to have another person by their side.

As much as I don’t understand constantly giving so much energy into disingenuous feelings, I admire those that can open up those doors inside of themselves and just jump with two feet in, ready to sink or swim. It's so brave to me to accept the good or bad that may come with it, and sh*t, there are people have found the love of their lives from a random hook up they didn’t see going anywhere. I respect it. But, it isn’t typical and I think there's a balance that can be found. Seeking without any thoughts into what you're are seeking, turning lust into love, as well as not being prepared for what you need to give to a real relationship before starting one defines this generation of dating, in my opinion. So many are driven by forces that have nothing to do with building something real, true, and infinite. It's the bad feelings that are uncomfortable and make many feel vulnerable, causing people to run towards less than a half, hoping that it will somehow make them feel whole. There's no foundation to stand on besides the mutual feeling of needing a warm body close and a willingness to keep up the façade that love is what you’ve both found.