Like many, I’ve been struggling to process the extrajudicial murders of Alton Sterling and Philando Castile, and now the loss of 5 Dallas police officers standing in solidarity with their community at a peaceful protest. I am writing to you now, as a person affected, to ask for your help in protecting the mental and emotional health of those who have survived. Many of you are actively engaged in advocating for and funding the policy changes we all need to ensure that each member of society has the same protections and life chances. But for a moment, I am asking you to shift your attention and make a coordinated effort to address the grief ripping through our communities and threatening to undo what strides we have made.
Some of our grief is ancient. It is larger and deeper than the murders of Alton Sterling and Philando Castile or any of the more than 500 people killed by police this year. It was bequeathed to us through generations of murders, marches, protests and song. Some of our grief is fresh and unexpected and confusing for those struggling to find a foothold in the movement. What is common, however, is that we have cameras. As our communities try to come to terms with all that has happened, we grasp for something real. What we are holding onto, what cannot be refuted, is what we have seen. We don’t just read or hear about our tragedies. We see the short, small burst of lighting at the end of a police officer’s gun and the glistening tears falling from the faces of surviving spouses and children. We see these events as they were lived.
As we move forward, let’s not forget that these losses have occurred at the twilight of a defining moment in our history: The first black presidency is ending. It brought us together in ways that that we have never before seen, and it shone a light on the lived experiences of people long marginalized. Those that fought for it stand ready to shatter more ceilings. Those that fought against it are working to ensure that nothing like it ever occurs again. We as a people have been cycling through emotional extremes all year. Tensions that have festered over the past eight years are again inflamed, inescapable and given new life in the current political campaigns. Our remaining ability to cope with hate and fear has been unravelled in fewer than 30 days. As we are yet coping with the Orlando massacre and remembrance of the Emmanuel AME massacre, more people have paid for their freedom with their lives. And we haven’t even gotten to the party conventions.
We don’t know what lies ahead. We don’t know if or how things will get better. Our capacity for hope and collective action has been threatened. Those with the power to help others cope need help with coping themselves. Those on the front lines who care for our children, help our unemployed find jobs, protect our seniors, and advocate for all of our rights need the space and support to process and drain off their own emotions in order to provide the same space for others. You are in a unique position to model these things for us and build lasting channels that can fortify us all for the difficult work ahead. Here’s how:
- Open the floor for staff and clients who need to share. Can you use your office or any other gathering space to process shared feelings? Community grieving forums remind us of our shared human losses. Regardless of race, gender, sexual orientation or political affiliation, grieving children and the loss of allies are human experiences that can bring us together.
- Designate physical space for emotional distance. Does your office or facility have a wellness room or other private space? Many people might not be able to talk about these events. Some staff might need to work away from other people at times. Some clients might need time alone before they are able to talk about what they are experiencing.
- Consider the power of virtual community. Does your organization have a social media or internet presence? The videos of murder and mass shootings are likely to be replayed over on the news channels and social media with various politically-motivated interpretations. Find ways to be there virtually for those who will need community. With staff and volunteers moderating, Facebook groups and Twitter campaigns to flood the internet with positivity and coping strategies are collective actions that can help staff recharge and clients make it through times when support is not physically available.
- Promote flexible scheduling and the use of benefits. Many organizations have some flexibility to accommodate working from home, compensatory time, or the ability to leave early or come in late for health reasons. Consider reminding your staff and volunteers that these policies exist to promote self-care as coverage permits.
- Lean on each other for capacity. Many of you are part of influential networks, coalitions and working groups. Share this article with others and ask which of these strategies you could implement together. You might find the clinical supports, physical spaces and other resources needed to build lasting channels.
- Know when to be a window, when to be a mirror, and when to be a wall. I wrote to you specifically because you are stewards. These events must be difficult for you in ways I can’t imagine because you take responsibility for so much and so many. The people need your collective influence on each other, and knowing when to be a window, mirror or wall can help you fortify yourself for difficult conversations. As a window, you can help someone else see further and improve their understanding of an event, community or problem. As a mirror, you can increase the self awareness of those around you by reflecting back their unconscious opinions and behaviors. And as a wall, you can project strength by standing firm in shared truths.
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