4 Ways To Get Out Of A Situationship
Ghosting without ghosting.
May 02, 2017 at 2:00 pm
How do you break-up with someone you're not in a relationship with? By nature, break-ups are heavy to hand out.
When we reject someone, it feels like we're saying we’re too good or that they aren’t loveable, but all we're really saying is, “You’re not the person for me.” We aren’t saying we’re too good or that they aren’t loveable. We aren’t saying they deserve to be alone. But based on our own insecurities, we assume this is what our rejection implies.
Imagine then, the tumultuous process of telling someone you were "kind of" feeling, that you actually aren't as interested as you thought you were. It makes vanishing that much more appealing.
See, that's where I think the "ghosting" phenomenon spawned from—avoiding the awkwardness of letting someone down when there was not a strong investment in the first place.
In your mind you figure, "Hey, this isn’t official. There’s nothing really to actually end, so I'm just going to pretend we never existed." No calls, no text no explanation, nada. And when your insignificant other reaches out for closure, we hit the ignore button until they get the hint. We don’t want to be responsible for hurting anyone else...so we disappear.
It's a concept that's relatively new, too. When I run it by my parents, they legitimately blank face me. It's a habit that seems to have grown with the prevalence of online dating services. A survey from Plenty of Fish says 80 percent of millennials have been ghosted.
See, the intent behind ghosting isn't bad. Sometimes we don't realize we're making a mistake until we're knee deep in it. It's the method that's more problematic than anything. It's just that it's incredibly insensitive to the other party. We never entertain the idea that they may understand where we're coming from. We just leave them in the dark.
That's why we should master phasing out, without actually ghosting.
Next time you find yourself down the rabbit hole of unwanted attention, use these techniques. They are great for getting out of situationships without being a complete jerk. Take notes.
1. Phone Tactics
The entire objective of ghosting without ghosting is giving cues that you do not want to continue the joint venture, in a manner where they can easily pick up on. A clean cut is brutal, but passive aggression? Definitely acceptable, especially when executed properly.
A good technique is using the most powerful device that everyone has with them at all times—the phone.
Ghosting would be completely ignoring all messages and calls. This is a rookie move. What you need to do is let them know that your interest is not as strong as theirs. If they text, reply much later and mention that responding back "slipped your mind." If you call back, make sure it's during the most inconvenient times. That communicates that they are not on your mind like you are on theirs.
For the Apple faithful out there, this would be a great chance for you to leave the 'read receipts' on. Savage, I know. But nothing quite communicates a lack of interest like letting someone's text message sit after they know you've read it. Let it marinate a bit for the sting to settle, then shoot them a one worded response. Do this a couple of times and they will be sure to get the curve.
2. The Friend Zone
This has happened to all of us at some point in our lives. It's the universal way of letting someone know that we like them, but not like they like us. And with all the frustration friend zones have given us in the past, it should be a go-to that we have no problem resorting to.
Dropping tags like "sis" or "bruh," and repeatedly referring to them as a "good friend," communicates where you see them, and their position in your life.
Instead of dropping off the face of the planet and potentially burning a bridge, let them see how else they can be of value to you. Only invite them to group hangouts when your other friends are there, and never hang out with them alone. Once you continually treat and refer to them as a friend, they will start to see themselves as one.
3. Working On Me
A justifiable excuse, or reason, for not pursuing something serious with someone would be your commitment to your career.
Often, when we get ourselves into these situationships and short-lived flings, they're rushed anyway. They're acts of passion, drunken mistakes or simple misjudgments. So reverting and stressing the necessity to refocus on our priorities is not far from the truth at all. It also can be a great chance to put the energy into our ambitions that we've always told ourselves that we would.
If they hit your line, hit them back with, "I'm studying, sorry." Not only will it low key force you to study, but how could that be argued with. Even vaguely referring to "work" that you been "meaning to get to" works, too. Work can be anything. In fact, it's such a fail-proof line, you can use it every time they text you. If they ask when you'll be done, just reply that you don't know. Or say never. That works, too.
4. Social Media
Let's be honest, if there is someone that wants us more than we want them, they're most likely going to be following us on social media. And if we use these social platforms a lot, go ahead and let the subliminal fly.
If you get an unwanted text, go to whichever platform they follow you on and post something immediately. It's going to show that you're online and totally accessible, yet not catering to their attention. Personally, I loathe when I text someone and I see them tweet. I for sure feel some type of way when that happens. So this is a technique that should give them a clue.
With what you talk about online, purposely construct your conversation in a way that suggests that you want out, or that you're done opting in. Talking about liking other people, posting memes on your Instagram about loving the single life and even making posts about other people. If you know they stalk your post, this will clearly get them to see where your head is, without having to have "the talk".
We're always going to end up in situations where we want to backtrack on our decisions, or break off relations that we clearly had no business getting into. But completely ignoring these individuals does not have to be the method we resort to. If you don't want to have the dreaded break-up talk, follow these tips and it will be just as effective.