Over Thanksgiving break, I watched in excitement Netflix and Spike Lee’s new series, “She’s Gotta Have It.” As I binged watched the episodes, I fell in love with the main character, Nola. She’s a vibrant Brooklyn artist who juggles “situationships” with three men and a woman. Each of the individuals brings out different parts in Nola. She finds the “perfect” partner within all 4 individuals instead of just one individual. This has made me reflect on my own situationships and how each person brought out a different side of me.

In the series, Nola dates this dyslexic, Jordan-obsessed, full of spirit guy named Mars. Mars brings out the fun in Nola. She can be comfortable around him, wearing Js and t-shirt. Mars is passionate about Nola and cares about her well-being. Mars reminds me of a guy I had a situationship with named Banker. Banker was fun, exciting and youthful. I could wear no makeup, have my hair tied and sweatpants around Banker and he would call me the most beautiful girl in the world. Our connection was fashion. I am into fashion styling and he loves making t-shirts to represent his artistic abilities. He didn't have much money, but we made the best of things. We would rap 90s hip-hop together and make our own music videos. Banker brought out the fun in me. He brought out the silly, dancing all the time side of me. Banker was always genuine with me and I never had to question Banker’s loyalty to me. I knew he cared about me greatly. Just as Mars helped Nola with taking her art to the gallery, Banker would help me with any errand I needed, especially when I needed help moving. Banker helped me embrace the energetic and fun side of myself.

However….

Richie ignited my passion. I’m not sure if it was because we are the same sign or because he glided the cocky and confident line. In “She’s Gotta Have It,” Nola dates this artsy, mixed-bred, French-speaking, egotistical man named Grier. Grier was a photographer who loves himself more than Kanye loves Kanye. Nola and Grier share a connection of art but also a connection of being. Grier brings out Nola’s sexy and sensual side, artsy side. My “Grier” also brought out my sexy and sensual side. We were physically connected in an unimaginable way. As a musician, he understood my love for music but also my love for fashion. His ego allowed him to understand the impression that a well-dressed man has on me. His ego allowed him to understand my body in ways I didn’t even understand. Beyond all, we understood one another’s passion just as Nola understood Grier’s passion.

Yet…

Sensibility is what Nola’s next situationship brought to her. She saw a future in Jamie. Jamie is the intellectual, established, sensible yet married man that Nola has relations with. Jamie buys her art, helps Nola with her finances and takes her on expensive dates. Jamie brings out the “adult” in Nola. I have yet to experience a “Jamie” but I had a situationship with someone who pushed me to pursue my goals. To me, Calvin was a sensible man who knew exactly what he wanted out of life. He had the “perfect” family and I inspired to be his future. He was the first guy I pictured myself marrying and having kids with when I was ready. He brought out the adult in me. But he did not complete me. 

All three men combined completed me because they brought out different parts of me to make a whole me. In all 3 men and a woman, Nola found the “one.” They brought out three essential qualities: fun, passion and maturity. These qualities combined are who Nola is and what she wants out of life. In comparing my situationships to Nola’s, I learned that I chose more “Griers” than any of the other men. I chose the men with a high ego and higher connection to my mind. I began to want more than just a situationship so my search started for just one partner to make up all those qualities. I’m not sure if Nola will ever search for just one partner but she has made me ask, is exclusivity more important to women or have we been subjected to the idea of being considered a slut or hoe so we conform to relationships. Can we women be tamed with just one man?