Last night, I was listening to The Roommates podcast. Listening to these Black mean speak made me realize that all black men aren't complete lost causes. But, it made me wonder to myself, "Why are you so cold towards Black men, sis?" I've always said that my heart will always belong to a black man, but lately, I've been dang near tempted to look elsewhere. Here's why:
Black women have been groomed to be bread winners, to be independent, to always have ambition. And if there is a plan A, you best believe there is a plan Z. There is absolutely nothing wrong with having these attributes, but somewhere down the line, it can become a problem for us. So, here are three things I had to reassess to let love in.
1. You don't babysit for free.
Some (and I mean some, not all) men don't mind their women making more money than them, but oh does it come at a price. If that man is not spiritually, mentally and emotionally stable, you're dealing with a child. And like his mother before you, you better be prepared to pull out the pampers and milk, STAT!
2. Choose your struggle, sis.
Finding a fine Black brother who meets all of your requirements is like finding a unicorn in the suburbs. Impossible, or so it appears. We, as Black women, were taught to be independent, but society has made it a multifaceted concept. I have discovered through long talks with God, devotion and meditation, that I've been looking for Michael B. Jordan in these men and coming up short. I was wrapped up in superficial and monetary means that I lost sight of what it meant to be "independent." So, I had to make a choice: either keep being independent the way society wants me to be, or be the peace and stability that I need for myself and allow that man (even though he isn't Michael B. Jordan) to walk in to my life.
3. Life isn't a Barbie doll house.
Every girl has thought about what their future would look like. If you have never played M*A*S*H in middle school, you're lying — and I think that game may have ruined some lives.
One of the life lessons that I have learned is to let go and let God, the cosmos, Allah, Buddha or whatever you believe in, take control. Let the cards fall where they may, because if you keep trying to control your life, you will be unhappy. You will end up with a bum or you will be alone, and that's not what you want, sis.
Bottom line is this: the grass is not greener on the other side.
Men will always be men, regardless of their race. Love yourself and let God be God.
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