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On Friday October 25, I released my first single, “What If We.” As the clock struck 12 a.m., my heart dropped and I found myself unable to stop the tears as they flooded my eyes, sending me into an emotional release that contained excitement, fear and the overwhelming gratitude of a dream fulfilled, 20 years in the making. This pop tune, inspired by Afrobeats and created as an ode to house music, represents more than just my debut as a musician, but also as a message of liberation for all people, and my contribution to the Black queer revolution (led by the likes of Lena Waithe, Billy Porter, Frank Ocean, Janelle Monáe and so many others) that is taking shape as we close this decade. As we enter 2020, I envision a new decade of authenticity, visibility and impact, where we demand to be seen and heard. Oh, what a time to be Black and Queer!
Being Black and achieving success in this country probably means that you were raised on the idea that you have to work “twice as hard to get half as much.” This idea is inflated when you add the word "gay" to the equation. Because of these two traits, I've been tirelessly pushing myself, doubting myself, working and training to attain my dreams since I was five years old. These dreams were not considered normal for a young Black boy raised in a small town in North Carolina by his great grandmother. It made me different, and living in the margins made me seek a place of wonder and magic where my aspirations could be realized. Through time and perseverance, it taught me to believe that sometimes what seems to be the impossible can become possible.
Throughout my life and career, I never really saw myself represented — and certainly not the intersections of my identity liberated or celebrated. Being a Black gay man, my experience always felt as if my authentic self wasn’t enough, wasn’t marketable and was actively erased. It felt as if to be given opportunities, I must hide parts of myself or play into tropes to fit into the puzzle of someone else’s vision. I would be lying if I said I never played into this, and I would also be lying if I said doing so brought me no success. What I can say is that while I achieved the Broadway dreams of my childhood, I began to feel less and less like an artist, and was left not feeling whole.
I decided to open the idea of my own creative expression, rather than working to fulfill someone’s vision on stage. I turned to recording the songs and poetry that lived in my journal and in the notes of my iPhone. My writings circled themes exposing the feelings and words that were my cathartic release while dealing with the pressures, heartbreaks and experiences of a young millennial navigating life in New York City. I quickly realized that for the first time, I had something that was just mine, and the control and vision laid solely in my hands. This artistic freedom has become my salvation and a type of high that carried over into all areas of my life and artistry.
My mission and intention became so clear — to share my music through full authenticity, lift others up to inspire them to go beyond their own expectations and discuss the emotions that connect us all. It all hinged on the power of exposure, to refuse to hide parts of myself to fit the ideas of who or what I should be. I desire to show all the layers that make me whole: my masculinity, femininity, my desires as a sexual being, who I am when I’m at my best and what I learn when I’m at my worst. The through line of all this expression is to highlight and celebrate the struggles and beauty of being a gay African American man in today’s society, and all the spaces within that have contributed to making me who I am.
“What If We” is not a culmination of what I hope to do, but rather an introduction to the music industry as I prepare to release a full EP in 2020. It came to life as a necessary word that I needed to pause the constant questioning of my needs and desires. I needed to feel free of the pause that blocks us from giving into a heightened reality, from feeling pleasure and from taking chances. This feeling or emotional block is something that we all deal with. This introduction and message of release only felt right as a dance track.
As a performer, one thing I understand is the power of movement. Dance is, in my opinion, one of our human superpowers. The physical action and response of our bodies in motion is innate and primal. It has the power to release tension, change one's mood, seduce and, of course, entertain. By combining my words with piano, African percussion and a driving house beat, “What If We” was created — and it's a call of freedom.
As those uncontrollable tears fell from my eyes in the early hours of October 25, I found myself thinking about that little Black boy in North Carolina, dancing and singing in his room pretending that within his mirror was a stadium of thousands. A boy crafting dreams while never seeing an example of himself to lean upon. He deserved more, and he is the reason that I will work everyday to build a bigger dream for myself, so the confines placed on little Black boys will be forever broken.
I hope you take a second to listen to “What If We.” May it liberate you to do, have and feel exactly what you want. Join me in the revolution!
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Brad Gibson is an actor and singer currently starring on Broadway as Simba in 'The Lion King,' Disney's longest–running stage adaptation.
