The recent suicides of celebrities Kate Spade & Anthony Bourdain sent social media into a frenzy of popular rhetoric around mental health. One narrative dominates my feeds: “Check on your strong friend.” Though this reminder encourages us to be present as sources of support for our friends and loved ones, the saturation of social media with this reminder overshadows a harsh reality — the way we treat someone can contribute to their anxiety, and the reasons why they consider suicide. 

In 2010, researchers found that over 70 percent of individuals with a history of suicide attempts had an anxiety disorder. The National Institute of Mental Health explains that anxiety disorders range from generalized anxiety (excessive worry for months) to social anxiety (chronic fear of social situations where one anticipates rejection, judgement or embarrassment), among additional forms. Anxiety had R&B singer SZA convinced that her soon-to-be Grammy-nominated Ctrl album would initially “suck.” Three years ago, Dreamville rapper J. Cole tweeted about being a “laid back person with a lot of anxiety,” an identity he explored on his recent album KOD. On The Breakfast Club radio show, critically acclaimed host Charlamagne Tha God often shares his own battles with anxiety. Charlamagne’s transparency pushes black popular culture in a direction where anxiety is easier to discuss openly. But like SZA and J. Cole, he doesn’t deep-dive into its source. What could cause such an intense, uncontrollable fear in one person?

A close friend of mine wrestled with severe anxiety in college. He endured two years of bullying and harassment that made him feel unwelcome and unsafe on campus. He was often barred from social spaces and publicly shamed by other students. These traumatic experiences led to the onset of his social anxiety, which forced him into isolation and, eventually, suicidal thoughts. This issue was so apparent within the campus black community that I expected leaders from black student organizations to take a visible and resistive stance against it. Unfortunately, most students remained neutral on the issue while simultaneously making time to occupy administrative buildings in protest of police brutality. Ironic, right?

Based on how people respond to celebrity suicides (and suicides in general), I’m sure that if my friend committed suicide to escape the bullying he endured, many of those students would’ve organized an event around his death while encouraging other students to check up on their friends more. Hypothetically speaking, wouldn’t it have been more practical to organize against the bullying that could’ve resulted in this young man’s suicide?

Martin Luther King Jr. blessed the culture with a powerful quote: “Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about the things that matter.” When I see this quote on my social media feeds, it's usually associated with police brutality, rape culture and other popular issues of our time. This quote is seldom attached to less popular, but equally meaningful, issues that matter. One of these issues relate to something most of us learned in kindergarten: treat others with kindness. As we grow older, this message fades into the backdrop of our personal lives. Achieving King’s vision requires us to revive this message, because another suicide by a celebrity or someone we love is one suicide too many. Anxiety is real, and merely checking up on people isn’t enough. We must challenge ourselves to be unapologetically kind towards others, even when it doesn’t benefit us. We cannot be bystanders to interpersonal hostility, whether it’s in the form of shade, slut shaming, hate speech or anything in between. 

While movements for police brutality awareness and sexual assault awareness prompt our activism, we must “have that same energy” when it comes to how our speech and behaviors impact the wellbeing of those around us. Social media offers a platform to promote the importance of treating people well. But if we continue to regurgitate popular opinions around mental health, we will fail to ignite new conversations and perspectives on anxiety and suicide in the black community.