Donald Trump is the semi-official presidential candidate for the Republican party.
Yeah…this is actually happening.
A ton of people have endorsed Donald Trump. From Stacey Dash to former Vice President Dick Cheney, millions of people are rallying behind Trump in an effort to hoist him to the highest office in America. What sets him apart from Clinton is the host of white nationalists and supremacists who support him. Both Jared Taylor, journalist and proud white nationalist, and David Duke, former grand wizard of the KKK, have actively supported Trump.
But what about his other stans? What about ordinary Americans who support him and go to his rallies?
Earl
Earl is 50 years old and swears he has video footage of president Obama’s birth in Kenya. He’s just waiting for the right moment to release it. Although some might look at growing up in rural Mississippi as a travesty, Earl sees it as a blessing. He didn’t have to grow up with those “crazy communists who want affordable healthcare.” Also, Earl wants all of you to know that he is not racist. Despite living in deep poverty, Earl is a devout Republican. He hates handouts. In Earl’s eyes, both Donald Trump and the Republican party make him proud to be the most marginalized person in American society — a cis-heterosexual Christian white male.
Margret-Ann
Margret-Ann is 22 years young and has never left Louisiana. Don’t feel bad for her, she’s never wanted to. After dropping out of high school at 17, she joined her local KKK chapter in an effort to make better friends. Being in the KKK has liberated her life. After getting into a heated Facebook debate with “those damn liberals” and watching the fallout of Ferguson, Margret-Ann became disgruntled. After Trump announced his candidacy, she was ecstatic. She and the women in her KKK chapter quickly designed knock-off Trump shirts for their men to wear. Although her crazy boyfriend can get her into trouble at traffic lights, she is committed to make him and his friends unseasoned chicken for their tailgates in Shreveport.
Jamal
Jamal is not a Trump supporter. Jamal is an anti-Trump protester. As a fervent supporter of Black Lives Matter, Jamal easily sees through the genocidal rhetoric Trump espouses. He refuses to stand on the sidelines and watch an orange white man with a hairpiece ascend to the most powerful office in America. One thing is clear, Jamal did not come to Trump rallies to play with you hos. He came to slay, b*tch.
Bradley
Bradley just turned 18 and is excited to start his senior year at his private high school in Atlanta. He just broke up with his longtime girlfriend of three months and is getting over her by spending his summer at his dad’s lake house and attending Braves games. Despite the fact that he regularly engages in premarital sex and rarely goes to church, he manages to know and recite plenty of Bible verses to maintain his homophobic reputation. For Christmas, Bradley’s mother gifted him his 15th pair of salmon-colored shorts and ninth pair of Sperry top-siders. As a new voter, Bradley decided to support the Donald because Trump says the things he is too afraid to say to the black kids at his high school.
Sharon
Sharon is a proud stay-at-home mom residing in North Carolina. With two kids in elementary school, Sharon barely has time to watch Fox & Friends in the morning. When she isn’t speaking with the manager at Trader Joes, she’s playing tennis at her local country club. Sharon’s list of inspiring women includes Ann Coulter, Megyn Kelly and Stacey Dash. Sharon is voting for Donald Trump because she believes he can truly make America great for her children. Her perfect version of America is the 1950s — a time when white women could vote and suburbia was still “safe.”
Cooper
Cooper works on Wall Street and lives in the Upper East Side. Thanks to his family name, he was able to graduate from Princeton in 2004. As a self-proclaimed bachelor, Cooper spends most of his free time at clubs hitting on women who want nothing to do with him. When he’s not actively finding ways to not pay his federal taxes, Cooper plays racquetball and berates his doorman for not being enthusiastic about serving him. Cooper quietly supports Trump because he lives in a “liberal culture that makes it impossible for white guys like me to be tough.” Cooper only wears his ‘make America great again’ hat on Saturdays at his family home in Connecticut.
Madison
Against her parents’ wishes, Maggie began dating Jamal in March. After joining the junior Riot Grrrl chapter in Philadelphia during high school, Maggie decided to become a feminist. Her favorite TV show is Girls and she loves Meryl Streep and Gloria Steinem. After dragging Jamal to Taylor Swift’s last concert, Jamal made her go with him to a Trump rally. Upon entry, she was scared for her life. When Jamal was arrested, she quickly disassociated with him so the police wouldn’t arrest her. When Maggie isn’t at her yoga classes with other amazing white women, she’s checking up on Matt McGorry (her favorite Black Lives Matter activist) on Twitter.
Carl
Carl works as a bank teller in Minneapolis. After being excommunicated by Auntie, Carl has worked hard to disassociate himself with anything black. Tasty baked macaroni ‘n’ cheese from his grandma? He wants none of it. Unc grilling ribs on the 4th of July? He can’t stand it. Carl loves to be the token black friend. He believes that if he marries a white woman, he can uplift the race. He has decided to join the #TrumpTrain because “Donald tells black people the hard truth.” Unbeknownst to Carl, he is a descendant of Uncle Ruckus.
