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Believe it or not, I often struggled with imposter syndrome. I opted out of showing up as myself and traded it in for a version of me I thought others wanted to experience.
Imposter syndrome can be described as doubting your abilities and feeling like a fraud. What does it mean to be a fraud? One could describe it as fake or simply a person who deceives others. In this case, I was deceiving myself and was inauthentic.
Can we be real? There have been many times I´ve traded in who I was to be who I thought others wanted me to be. My sole purpose at one point in life was to make others around me more comfortable than I was.
While on Instagram one day, my eye caught a caption that read: “… in constant edit mode.” I immediately began to think about the things that we do to ourselves that hold us hostage mentally, academically, emotionally and physically. As I pondered on what in my life kept me from growing into a better version of myself I realized I needed to transition into "edit mode," a season filled with uncomfortable stages of growth and exploration into authenticity.
Edit mode can consist of isolation and recommitment to one's self. Isolation can often seem scary for those afraid of silence. It was in this silence, though that I reconnected to me— my authentic self. I spent time with myself and handling myself with care. I cried, laughed, ate (a lot). I spent time amongst my sistren and their literary works: Toni Morrison, Maya Angelou, Alex Elle, Tabitha Brown and more. I was understanding I could be vulnerable with myself enough to heal and recover. There was the strength in their words that provided me with the space and freedom to fly and not be defined by my fears, mistakes and failures. I finally understood the assignment, and it was to begin, again.
Upon doing the (inner) work, I discovered that I kept fumbling the bag because I was not clear of my purpose and who I wanted to be. I had already shifted careers five years ago but was still holding myself to the prior successes and failures of my past. I didn’t realize until I started working on myself that this was a form of self-sabotage. So I began to get very clear on my intentions and who I wanted to ultimately become as a person and professional. I took these things and put them before God (because for me, He’s the ultimate source) to reveal my purpose. In addition to this, I began to become present in my daily work and home life.
After years of inconsistency, once I got serious about my life and developed a consistent approach to finding my authentic self, it was as though the imposter syndrome left me. I remember praying, “God use me, I want my purpose to align with being a help in my community, culture and through conversation. Strengthen my discernment, make me a resource for my family. I want to be used for your service.”
It wasn’t even a week later that I was teaching in my classroom and I was reminded that I had been operating in my purpose, but because I was disconnected from the root of who I was, I was lost. I had allowed my imposter syndrome to leave me feeling empty and it had carried over into multiple areas of my life personally and professionally.
Who I desired to be was a personally and professionally successful woman deeply rooted in sisterhood and of service in my community (as an educator, mentor, church member and more). While in "edit mode," I realized I am the influencer and the influence. I believe in myself and my role as a human in society. I want to be of service and this is my life’s work.
As you become inspired to enter into "edit mode," ask yourself: Who do you desire to become? What drastic edit needs to take place in your life?
I want you to welcome the newness that you deserve. Your vibe can’t find you if you aren’t rooted in authenticity and purpose. During this season, I encourage you to unmask yourselves (figuratively) and edit accordingly.
