In today’s social media era, It’s easy to shoot a shot in a DM, or to casually spark up a conversation at a bar. But you eventually know when your effort is going unmatched. The conversation could be popping when you first meet and the vibe could be off the chain, but once that communication becomes far and few between, it’s time to face the facts — he’s just not that into you.

I tell my friends this all the time now : if the communication is lacking, he’s probably falling back. What I mean by falling back, is that he is strategically creating some distance so that you don’t get too attached. The backwards reality is that some women (such as myself, in the past) would actually get more drawn in. I’d come up with excuses for them like:

“He could just be busy.”

“I mean, he does have a full-time job and side hustle,”

“Maybe he fell asleep?”

“Maybe … Maybe … Maybe …”

The sad, but very certain reality was simply , he just wasn’t that into me. So instead of coming up with excuses, perhaps ask what are they looking for, or simply fall back, too.

We learn at a young age to use our words. Your parents would nip it in the butt when you were three or four years old, pointing at something you wanted. What would they tell you to do instead of pointing? They told you to use your words! But now, fast forward to decades later when men and women are still slacking when it comes to using our words. Why are we failing at being direct? Why is our communication so trash? What are we so afraid of?

I can’t speak for everyone, but I can say that I was the person afraid of rejection. Now, I welcome it with open arms. Nothing that’s for me will miss me, and the opportunities and men that did pass me by were certainly dodged bullets (of course I didn’t know that at the time). Lets not get so caught up in trying to figure out why a certain person isn’t returning our interest. Instead, take it as an L (not a loss, sis, but a lesson) and move right along to the next. I have no more time to be wasted over encrypted text messages and one word responses. My time is valuable and so is yours, sis. So, when the calls start coming less and less and he starts to go ghost, even though the read receipt is burning a hole in your phone, move along to the next.

Instead of running after a man who clearly is just wanting a situationship, follow the words of Aunty Maxine Waters and reclaim your time.