Valentine's Day has arrived and for some of yall, this day is a great opportunity to celebrate your love. For the rest of us, we are fighting the urge to break up happy apartments and windows. Now I know we've taught you the 11 principles of petty, but for Valentine's Day, you must practice restraint. Even though I am the Head Minister at the Church of Screenshot ministry, I must take a minute to beg the members of my congregation to avoid being petty on this day. We might be without bae, but that doesn't mean we have to rain on their parade on Vday. (Save your petty for Throwback Thursday. That'll teach them.) Here are 7 solid ways to avoid being petty on this day:
Before we go there know this:
Photo: Giphy
1. DO NOT post mystery pics of someone else's new bae.
He is no longer yours. Say it with me folks He. Is. No. Longer. Yours. Therefore do not go into your arsenal of "chilling with bae pics" and pull out one that you think no one will catch wind of. You know the kind of photos I'm talking about. A photo from the honeymoon phase when you showed bae off to the world after showing only parts of his or her hand. It's that amazing picture that puts outsiders on notice, this is mine so proceed at your own risk. Even though we can't see their face we know that they ain't yours. You are not the chosen one. Only the new bae can keep the petty mystery going. Take this day to purge your smartphone and soul of all the remnants of that failed relationship. Looking at the past only reminds you of the mistake they made when they walked away. And for those who don't know what I mean by hidden bae pic, i.e.
Photo: IamReggieDavis
2. Avoid social media for 48 hours.
Valentine's Day is a day to show off just how much your bae loves you. Some will have an "every kiss begins with Kay" moment, others will have a "mmmm ok at least he acknowledged you" moment. Either way, people are going to have their moments and be in love and for once we don't have a right to interfere with petty comments. I have a Ph.D. in petty. So I know how easy it is to make a comment under a pic and ruin lives. I do this for a living. Again, I am the head of the screenshot ministry for those who forgot. In order to keep me and you from being thumb thugs, we shall sit this day out and let social media flourish without us. ( Especially stay away from Snaphat!)
Photo: self loveTumblr
3. If you MUST log on, DO NOT make a new status for 48 hours.
There is nothing like scrolling through your Facebook timeline and coming across the status of a newly single person. We all know THAT person. The one who has the lyrics to a song or part of a poem as their status. "Last chances don't always come with warnings", "Be careful who you give your heart to, not everyone is worth it", "The greatest self-love. I need only me." Now I agree with all of the above, BUT if I saw a picture of you and bae less than 45 days ago, I got questions. Like when did yall break up? Who did it? Why? So to keep us from asking questions that add to how butt-hurt you are, just avoid making a status. This way you don't look bitter and we don't become nosey.
Photo: Pinterest
4. Lemonade is banned until next Monday.
This is pretty much self-explanatory. There was fire, a baseball bat, the other woman's skin and Becky. Lemonade will have you going through it. Even if yall broke up months ago, Valentine's Day coupled with Lemonade will create doomsday. It will inspire you to make calls and send several text messages to them from your phone number and Apple ID (if you're blocked. Don't ask me how I know). Beloved, don't do it. Save your energy for someone who knows exactly how valuable you are. Save it for someone who kisses your scars instead of creating new ones.
Photo: Giphy
5. Wait to exhale.
There are quite a few movies to avoid during this time of year. Waiting To Exhale is one. The women in this film went through it! Even though they got it together, in the end, they still had to burn up cars and stop sleeping with other folks husbands to get to the place they were meant to be. That place was single for some, but it lacked bitterness for them all. Many of yall won't get that as a takeaway. Instead, you will remember that your ex-bae is the motherf***ing improper influence and be ready to torch whatever bae left over there. DON'T do it, just place those items and memories in the trash, where they belong.
Photo: Giphy
6. Why we always gotta fight at Cheesecake you know we like to go there
Avoid restaurants where families and lovebirds like to go. Tonight is the night to light a few candles, pour yourself a glass a wine and attempt that new recipe. Maybe it's a night for you and the other single members of the crew to have a potluck or cook off. Be with your tribe and not amongst the tribes. Sometimes seeing what others have will cause you to second guess what you don't have. Your moment is coming and when it does hit, it won't be at the Cheesecake Factory or Fridays.
Photo: Bravo
7. #ThrowbackThursday get back in the game
I urged you not to be petty on Valentine's Day. But I didn't say you can't be petty on Thursday. Valentine's Day is on a Tuesday this year, which means #ThrowbackThursday is still a viable option after our 48-hour hiatus. Not everyone is living right. Some folks are living foul and playing with the feelings of others. Sometimes you have to remind them that you and your heart are not a game. Post an epic pic of you two together and caption it: "#tbt I make everything look good." It can do one of two things, remind them of how good you made them look or cause the new bae to feel some type of way. If you're about that life, tag them. I for one am and with all dignity care not.
Photo: Youtube
This list could go on and on for days about ways to avoid being petty on Valentine's Day. The most important thing about Valentine's Day is knowing that you are enough. If they left or if you decided to leave because that's what was best, it's ok. Not everyone deserves you. So if they want to be with the person using Snapchat filters for edges and calling tacos a homecooked meal, let them have that mediocre at best love. Your love will show up with more dignity, edges, and steaks. Let them flourish without being petty and you one day shall flourish too.
