Why being single doesn't make you a failure
The politics of being a black woman in the world are deep and complex. When we are single after a certain age and lack an obsession to be immediately coupled up, we are found diving down a rabbit hole so deep one might find it difficult to emerge with sanity intact.
If you’re like me, you probably hate to fail or be associated with anything like failure. If that’s the case, why do we chronically allow patriarchy and sexism to dictate to us what successful womanhood looks like? Why is it that our greatest goals, dreams and accomplishments mean less if we’re unattached to a partner? I’m sick of it! There are the articles telling you how to get a man, keep a man, how to not be a side piece, avoiding the friend zone, how to marry a millionaire, why a blue collar man is alright, how love will come in 30 days if you wear a red sock on your right foot for an hour each day at the gym and many, many more. Can I breathe?!
Many of us have been through it since we touched the tip of our mid-twenties – the holidays where Aunt Clorifa loudly asks, “Where’s your man?” Instead of asking about our career goals after college, we’re being asked when we’re going to settle down. Psychologically, a lot of us fall for the okie doke, and in tandem with trying to please our nosy relatives and friends’ inappropriate need for us to settle down, we settle. But we don’t have to settle.
The simple truth is that they’re gonna talk anyway. Guy #1 isn’t gonna make enough money. Guy #2 might have kids and we won’t need that baby mama drama. Guy #3 is too old, #4 is too young #5 is too dark skinned, #6 not intelligent enough and so on and so forth. Before we know it, instead of calling us a failure for having too few loves, they’ll be lambasting us for being too loose! Just stop it. Prioritizing happiness outside of a romantic relationship is perfectly fine, and it says nothing about your success or failure in life. Don’t listen to those depressing ass statistics about black women’s likelihood of finding love after a certain age, and tell Aunt Clorifa to mind her d*mn business!
If you’re following your dreams, maintaining great friendships, taking care of your body and spirit, and working consistently toward a life that makes YOU happy, then you’re a success!
YOU ARE ENOUGH. I promise. Let’s stop letting the world tell us that we need to think otherwise.