Why I’m 27, Single And Doing Just Fine
"Sometimes I wonder whether I should readjust my standards, change my requirements, maybe even go back to old flames who failed me the first time round."
I am 27 and I’m single.
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My East African, marriage-obsessed mother has now started her own campaign into finding me a husband. She thinks that I am being too picky, she is adamant that “sum’sing is berry wrong” with my selection process. She has gone as far as forcing me to swear in the name of Injera that I make sure next Christmas I have somebody right by my side having dinner. I’m not sure she quite realizes that finding love isn’t as straight forward as it was in the '80s. I’m also not sure I can let down another one of her pre-arranged blind dates for me.
I am 27 and single.
I also happen to have a preference. Christian, black and quirky, traveler, humanitarian, emotionally intelligent, fitness enthusiast ... etc. My chances are really slim and this new age of online dating and immediate access to other humans has now made this whole game even harder. Men think we are as replaceable as eyelash strips these days. Chivalry isn’t completely dead, but quite frankly, I’m exhausted of pretending to want to go halves on our first date, all in the name of appearing independent. I’m about five percent away from writing an entire book about why I do not feel I can date a man who doesn’t offer to pay on the first date. Extreme feminists and “gold-digger” allergic men alike, I am sorry if I offend you.
I’m 27 and single.
Sometimes I wonder whether I should readjust my standards, change my requirements, maybe even go back to old flames who failed me the first time round. Sometimes, in all honesty, I do not feel good enough. I’ve had days when I’ve felt like I am not the type of woman that men want to marry. Sometimes I’m convinced SZA wrote “Normal Girl” after having a front row screening of my love life. Sometimes, I “AWWWWWW” at the cute couples on Instagram, sometimes I feel I can’t bear to see another post from Black Love Exists (shout out to you guys). The single life is one hell of a rollercoaster.
I’m 27 and single.
I’m worried about my body clock, I’m concerned I won’t have the fairy tale wedding I’ve always dreamed of. What if I never get to jump into the oceans after my long awaited destination wedding? What if I leave it too long and I end up with the type of man I’ve vowed I’d never be with? What if that is what God has always intended for me? GOD? ARE YOU THERE? (*dips into tub of ice cream*)
I’m 27 and single.
After reading the above you probably think I’m a cynical 20-something year old wallowing in her sorrows about not having the wedding hashtag of the year. Though I do have bad days when the above crosses my mind, what remains and will always remain is that no matter what, what is meant for you will find you when the time is right. In all honesty, it is frustrating coming back from yet another date and realizing the search must go on. HOWEVER, please remember that there is no deadline date on finding love. Realistically, the older you get, the more refined your pool of interest will be. You know yourself more. Your relationship with your intuition is so much clearer. You understand what works and doesn’t work for you. Somewhere along the line, you’ve realized a man who values money over all things isn’t the one for you. You realize that dating somebody who is OK with living a mediocre life isn’t aligned with who you are. You realize that, YES, you cannot date a man who doesn’t love God as much as you do, as controversial as this topic is. Undoubtedly, you won’t have the same options you had when you were a 20-year-old baby girl. And that’s OK.
Find peace in the fact that finding a true, perfect love isn’t a race. Usain Bolt wasn’t sent on this earth to be a muse for us single folks. There is also this belief that unless you find “the one,” your life truly hasn’t started. If there’s any time to live and embrace life, it’s in your season of being single. Do all the things you love and embed them into your soul, so much so that once you do meet the one, he/she knows that these things come with you, too. How sad would it be to live a passive/boring single life, attract somebody who is allured by this life and then proceed to living the rest of your life wanting, but not doing. Soul crushing.
I believe it’s vital to remember that though finding a lifelong companion is a key part of most of our lives, there are so many other things to channel your focus into. You’ll likely find that once you start channelling your energies into other things, Mr. Man will bump into you as you pick up your daily espresso before work. He’ll be the awkward guy at the exhibition. She’ll be one of your best friends from school.
In the mean time, make sure you are living the very best life you can.
I’m 27 and single and I. AM. DOING. JUST. FINE.
Dear future husband, or no husband at all, speak soon.